Dear M. Criminal Lawyer. I am writing to you because I need to know. I have so many questions in my head. I do not understand why a lawyer will defend his client for the same charges. The client was charged 2-3 different times for sexual assault. Why do you still defend him? Is it for money? Don’t you think it might be true? If I was a lawyer and someone will have been charged and/or acquitted for sexual assault a couple times, I will seriously think about it. If this client is still walking free on the street, don’t you think he might do it again? Probably, because this client knows that he won’t lose the case if you represent him. So, my point is, if you have any daughters, would you like to know that someone like this client can be a predator for them? I have a daughter and I hope that she will never see or meet someone like that. Women don’t need that kind of men walking free. I also understand that you have a job to do but can you sleep good at night? Because if I was a lawyer and know that I defend a rapist, I will be scared for my daughter or for the other women. I will definitely not be able to sleep at night.
I don’t like it when you avoid my feelings. I don’t like it when you are not listening when I talk. I hate it when you drink alcohol all day long. I hate it when you judge me and my parenting. I hate it when you ignored that I needed help. I hate it when I have to wait for you to tell me that you love me. I resent that I have acted like you with my parenting. I am tired of helping you to get some help. I am tired of trying to be a better person to please you. I want you to understand my difficulties that I have been going through recently and in the past.
I feel sad that you will never be proud of me. I feel sad when you reject me. I feel sad when you didn’t encourage me in any way. I feel hurt because you didn’t take care of me emotionally when dad was working. I feel hurt because you left me alone and I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions. I feel hurt when I think you didn’t love or want me. I feel awful that we have never been connected. I feel awful when you said that I was not a good mom and I shoudn’t had kids. I feel disapointed because I have to deal with a lot of pain because of you. I want you to have some compassion for me.
I feel afraid when I think that I might become like you. I am afraid that you won’t take me seriously. I am afraid I might stop seeing you until you get sober. I am afraid that your negative energy will affect my kids. I feel scared because you are mean to me when you are drunk. I feel scared when I have to trust you. I want you to get some help for your addiction.
I’m sorry that I was not a easy child. I am sorry that I needed more love and attention. I am sorry that I’ve hurt your feelings in the past. I am sorry for having difficulties with expressing my emotions. I am sorry for asking you to help me when I needed it. I am sorry for thinking about myself too much. Please forgive me for following my man out of Quebec. Please forgive me for beeing jealous about your connection with my sister. I didn’t mean to ignore you when I asked dad to come over alone. I wish that you will understand my emotions and recognize the hard work I’ve been working on.
I love you because you helped me physically when I needed it. I love you because you cooked for me when I was not able to. I love when you are sober and when we can have good conversations. Thank you for taking care of dad and my sister. I understand that you might need professional help as well. I understand that you will accept help when you will be ready. I forgive you for not taking care of me emotionally when I was young. I want you to accept me, to love me and give me strength to keep moving forward in my life.
Today I am going to share a love letter. The love letter technique is something I did in the Day Treatment Program while I was mentally sick. I wrote one to mom and one to my fiance. The last letter was the hardest one because I needed to be at son’s place when I was writing. He is only 5 years old.
From my 5 years old son to me.
I don’t like it when you don’t listen to me when I talk. I don’t like it when you yell at me sometimes. I hate it when you don’t understand me. I hate it when you drink alcohol. I hate it when you go out wihout me. I’m tired of trying to be perfect. I’m tired of not being able to express my anger. I want you to accept that i am only 5 years old.
I feel sad when you send me in time out alone. I feel sad when you are angry at me. I feel hurt when you don’t tell me how to deal with my feelings. I feel hurt when you scream at us sometimes. I feel awful when I listen to you complaining about others. I feel awful when you judge me. I feel disappointed because you don’t help me sometimes. I want you to love me and comfort me when I need it.
I feel afraid that you will leave and never come back. I feel afraid that you will not get better. I feel afraid when you leave us at gramma’s to go party. I’m afraid that I will never be loved by you. I’m afraid that you will leave dad. I feel scared because sometimes you don’t kiss me goodnight. I feel scared because I’m only 5 years old and I don’t know how to grow in a healthy way mentally. I want you to get some help, as long as you need. I want you to stay home and alive forever.
I’m sorry that I hide my feelings to not upset you. I’m sorry for being a 5 years old boy who needs help to learn how to move forward in life. I’m sorry for causing you trouble in the house. I’m sorry for biting my sister when I was angry. Please forgive me for interrupting you when you talk to dad. Please forgive me for asking a lot of attention. I didn’t mean to upset you when I go in my room when I can’t talk. I wish that you will teach me the good way to live my life.
I love you because you give me a lot of hugs and kisses. I love when you spend time alone with me. I love when we go on adventure together. I love when you smile. Thank you for taking good care of me. Thank you for staying at home and not working. I understand that you have to go away and get some help, so you can come back as a healthy mommy. I forgive you for being mentally sick. I forgive you for yelling at me sometimes. I want you to get better, to love yourself and to be proud of what you do for yourself and our family.