I am away from home. Taking a break from the stressors that I have at home, but I am missing home. I am missing my babies and my husband. I am doing good and getting some strength to be able to continue and fight my darkness and my demons. I want to live but when I am at home I don’t feel like that at all. When I am away I don’t feel down but I do miss my family. I am so confused and I don’t really know what to do or what to think.
Just thinking about life in the valley, chores at home and taking care of the kids and my anxiety is rising up. What am I suppose to do? I wish that my psychiatrist will understand me and help me to see clear about all that stuff.
I want to go back to work and gain money to help my family but I don’t want to work at a place that I don’t like. I don’t want a student job. I want a career and for that I have to go back to school. But I need money. How am I suppose to handle all that?
At least I didn’t go back in Quebec. I know that place is not good for me right now. But I was so depressed and sad that I needed my man to realize it. I was not able to think or see that was not good for my mental health. I am an adult and it feels like I am still a child who needs their parents to live. How is that possible?
What am I suppose to do?
Monday easter, I am at my in-laws relaxing and and thinking about the nice weekend I had.
Good friday was good because we went to the zoo in Aylesford Nova Scotia and we got our family pass. The zoo is another place that I love. Walking around watching the animals. I feel great and I love showing my kids the beauty of he nature.
Saturday was pretty quiet but we had a great time. We were late for an easter egg hunt but we were back home with mashmallows. The kids had a blast. I went to my friend’s house and enjoyed a tea. It was nice to see her and talk with her.
Easter Sunday, a beautiful morning with my little amazing family. Kids found some eggs and we had a good breakfast. My daughter ended up finding my pills and ate a couples but we went to the hospital and found out that she didn’t eat the worse one and she spit a couple too. I guess it was a warning for our fail to get more secure and safe. I was in shocked and I blamed myself about it. I didn’t cut or scrached. I amoke a cigarette instead and I did some breathing exercice. It’s an accident and it happens. We also had a great family dinner. I love family dinner.
Monday easter, today I am relaxing and thinking about the next week. I want to have a nice week. I am going to have a good week.
I am reflecting on the support I have in my life. The best man I couldn’t find is the one who I am sharing my life with. We worked through a lot of difficulties in our relationship and we are still together and in love. Our love is stronger than ever. He has been by my side since the beginning of our relationship. He helped me since the day we’ve met. I will always be there to love you my love. You are the man of my life and we are meant to be together. You are the perfect dad that our children can have. Our family is getting stronger every single day. I will always be grateful for that. You are the one who understands me the most. You know me better than anyone. I will always love you.