I am back home and I have to make it to march 23rd. This is a crucial date for me. I am going to have a meeting with professional staff. They are going to give me the best way to enter in the therapy I need. I crashed so low and so far that I need support every single day and i have to survive until next week. Annapolis crisis team is going to help me everyday. If I feel overhelmed again I have to call them right away or go to emergency. When I am surrounded by Borderline, I am a real danger for myself. Those episodes are more frequent since the sexual assault. I accumalated so much that when I crashed it was very painful.
I have two side of me. The first side is Borderline when I can’t think straight, when my mind is all over the place or when I see or think only black and white. When I’m borderline anything is possible. The only way to exit and get rid of the pain inside is to die. The 2nd part of me is when I am emotionally stable and I understand all that stuff. I know that if I get professional help I actually can get through. When I understand what I have to do or think to be able to live a normal life as a healthy person. The worst is that now Borderline is taking over myself more often and I can’t control it anymore. I can’t control my boundaries between myself and my mental illness. I am at the point where I need professional help. I asked for and I am going to start with them on March 23rd.
I am going to learn how to live a nornal life as much as possible with my mental illness. Because in the real time I want to live a happy life. This is what I want the most. Live a happy life with my family.