I am exhausted of everything. I brought myself to the emergency last night because I need professional help. I don’t know how. The only thing I know is if I go back home and I have another mania episode I might go on the otherside for real. I am scared. I am afraid of my own self. When I can think straight and clear I don’t want to die. When my mental illness take all over the place, I can’t think and I only see black. It is so dark. How can I be afraid of my inner me? I am exhausted of trying to make things right. It doesn’t seem to work because my sick self takes over my healthy self. I need professional help.