Do I have to forgive you?

November 2016

I will never forget what you did to me. I don’t know if I can actually forgive you.

After months of treatments in mental health, try to move on, I know I am on the good way now. November 21st, 2016 I saw you for the first time since may, since this horrible event. In my car the emotions were so intense. I froze a moment, I couldn’t believe it. I was anxious, so much that I was nauseus and needed a safe place to park my car and breathe. I was afraid. I was not feeling safe anymore. I drove to the Military Family Resource Centre and went directly to see my social worker. I was feeling better, but still in shocked. Seeing you driving by me at this intersection made me feel sick. That impact on me was too intense. I don’t want to give you that power on me. I managed my emotions good that time. I am going to fight this battle. I always win anyway. 

I saw you again on wednesday November 23rd, 2016. Unbelievable! Again! Twice in a week, after those months driving in Middleton and I havent’t see you before. I was in shocked but not as much as the first time. I was a little bit anxious but my fear was gone. I was angry. I had so much anger inside me towards YOU. I stopped my car and I did what I was supposed to do. I didn’t change my plans. I am strong and I am in control of my life. I have the power! I am on the way to recover and heal. I don’t know if I will be able to forgive you one day, but I know that I have to forgive myself first. I don’t know if you derserve it. You hurt me and I’m still in pain. I don’t know if I will be able to give you that satisfaction. I will never forget what happened on Friday May 13th, 2016. I am too angry at you to be able to forgive.


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