Who is the loser?

One night, when I was partying with some old toxic friends, including my abuser…

A month before the sexual assault, we were playing a game of Jenga. We were drinking and I felt very competitive and wanted to beat this guy. I was feeling empowered by the alcohol. This guy, my abuser, said “I never lose”. Those words still resonate in my head. Specially when I think about the night when he had control over me. Also, during the beginning of the court process, those words were still haunting me. I was letting tose words disturbing my inner self. Then I realized that he was still having control over me. I didn’t not want that. He does not deserves a place in my mind. I felt so angry and I wanted that to stop. I know I am good at turning negative event into positivity to get as much power as I want. I spoke out loud “I always win”. This is so much more powerful than “I never lose”. Those words gave me strength. I am more than determined to speak out loud and share my emotions and my hard work. I am a strong woman and I always win. Since that terrible event, I gained support from my family, my friends and my community. I also gained healthy friendships, self-esteem and self-compassion. So, who is the loser? Oh, wait..who is the winner? ME! 

Victims need to be understood and supported. I am not weak, I don’t hide my feelings anymore or what happened to me. I am a survivor, a warrior and a stronger person. I am proud of who I have become. I am proud of every single thing that I do. Be proud of yourself. Compliment yourself as much as you need. Always think that you can because you are a winner!


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