From my 5 years old son to me

Today I am going to share a love letter. The love letter technique is something I did in the Day Treatment Program while I was mentally sick. I wrote one to mom and one to my fiance. The last letter was the hardest one because I needed to be at son’s place when I was writing. He is only 5 years old.

From my 5 years old son to me.

I don’t like it when you don’t listen to me when I talk. I don’t like it when you yell at me sometimes. I hate it when you don’t understand me. I hate it when you drink alcohol. I hate it when you go out wihout me. I’m tired of trying to be perfect. I’m tired of not being able to express my anger. I want you to accept that i am only 5 years old.

I feel sad when you send me in time out alone. I feel sad when you are angry at me. I feel hurt when you don’t tell me how to deal with my feelings. I feel hurt when you scream at us sometimes. I feel awful when I listen to you complaining about others. I feel awful when you judge me. I feel disappointed because you don’t help me sometimes. I want you to love me and comfort me when I need it.

I feel afraid that you will leave and never come back. I feel afraid that you will not get better. I feel afraid when you leave us at gramma’s to go party. I’m afraid that I will never be loved by you. I’m afraid that you will leave dad. I feel scared because sometimes you don’t kiss me goodnight. I feel scared because I’m only 5 years old and I don’t know how to grow in a healthy way mentally. I want you to get some help, as long as you need. I want you to stay home and alive forever.

I’m sorry that I hide my feelings to not upset you. I’m sorry for being a 5 years old boy who needs help to learn how to move forward in life. I’m sorry for causing you trouble in the house. I’m sorry for biting my sister when I was angry. Please forgive me for interrupting you when you talk to dad. Please forgive me for asking a lot of attention. I didn’t mean to upset you when I go in my room when I can’t talk. I wish that you will teach me the good way to live my life.

I love you because you give me a lot of hugs and kisses. I love when you spend time alone with me. I love when we go on adventure together. I love when you smile. Thank you for taking good care of me. Thank you for staying at home and not working. I understand that you have to go away and get some help, so you can come back as a healthy mommy. I forgive you for being mentally sick. I forgive you for yelling at me sometimes. I want you to get better, to love yourself and to be proud of what you do for yourself and our family.

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