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I do not know where to start. I Thought I had moved on about this horrible event. I thought I had been free in my mind and were on the way of recovery. I was wrong. I am still in pain, a lot of pain. That burning sensation in my chest is awful. When I think about him it makes me feel sick. I am angry at him but also at me. Why am I still in such of pain? Why does it still hurt so much? I hate him.I hate him for what he did to me. The thoughts are all mixed up in my mind. It is swirling a lot. It goes fast. I feel like I want to scream my pain. I want to cry all the pain and scream out how much he hurt me. I have so many questions. Why did you do that to me? Why didn’t you stop when I told you “no” the first time even after during the following action. I said no multiples times. You did not listen to me. You did not understand that simple word. Why? You took advantage of me and I still hate you for that. I do not know if I will be able to forgive you. DoI have to forgive to be able to heal and move on? My heart is in pain and broken in million pieces. I do not have the courage yet to do it. I am still angry. I am writing and I can feel the fire burning in my fingers. My chest is tightening and I want to cry and scream my pain! Do I have to forgive to be able to move on completely?

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