Today, I got my blessings

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July 23rd, 2017

Today was a big day for me. I’ve been visiting the Hindu temple in halifax for a year. The temple is a safe place to be for me. After my last suicide attempt in April, I was down, depression and hopeless. I started to go more often. Twice month since then, I am in the city at the Hindu temple. I found hope and faith and the envy of living again. Life is so important. I found my hope through spirituality. Hinduism helped me a lot this past year. It still helps me going through difficulties that I’ve been experiencing so far. 

Today, I wanted to be blessed for the first time. It gave me strength to be able to continue to live the life I want. I am happy and my soul is now healthy. I didn’t know why I was going there at the first place. But now, I know. I am happy and I have hope. I am blessed to live a happy life. 

I also met a new friend. Her name is Shivana. She is going to keep me updated about meditation session or music event in the the city that I might be interested in. Meditation is very good for me and i enjoy it. 

Thank you to the Indian Community who welcomed me interest their family. I am glad and blessed to have you in my heart. I will see you again in a couple of weeks.

Burning 

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A ccouple days ago, I found old suicide letters that I wrote before the suicide attempts. I was feeling anxious about thinking of having them in my bedside drawer. This afternoon, I took them and burnt them in fire pit. I read them then I watched te burn. I was feeling relieved. I was thinking about my family and my friends who are here to support me no matter what and forever. I feel better now. I know that I want to live my life. I want to enjoy every little moments with my family and have as much as possible fun with my friends. I want to be happy. My job help too though. It gives me hope. I am not hopeless anymore I found my way. A good way  to get back on track. I am ready to start the DBT in fall.

Accepted and confirmed

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I am sharing my hapiness with you today. I am accepted and confirmed on the DBT program starting in the end of August and beginning of September. I am so happy. I was looking forward to it. I guess hard work paid off. I stayed strong as long as I could. I am proud of myself. I am also still enjoying my job. I am feeling so much better and I want to keep it like that.

Hindu temple and a walk on the waterfront

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Yesterday I went in the city. It was amazing as always. I went to the Hindu temple to get rid of my negative energy and open some space to get positive energy. It worked well. I also had so much love from the Indian women. They are friendly and I feel happy when I am surrounded by them. They are my family.

After the temple I went to the waterfront for a nice walk. Still clearing my mind. I also stopped at my favorite boutique, The blackmarket. I bought two pairs of earrings and four bracelets for only 9,00$. I am feeling good and ready to start my week.

I have a job.

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I found a job. I love it so much. I am working at a cranberry and blueberry farm. I get some fresh air and it is good for my mental health. I am doing some easy work as pruning, weeding and planting so far. It is enjoyable. I had the opportunity to met some people around the globe as Ukrainian and Mexican. They are lovely people to work with. 

I remembered how nice it is to have soft conversation. I mean talking about easy stuff. Music, hobbies, books and what it is going out in the other side of the map. 

Andy Biersack gave me hope!

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This picture quote is about self-harm. I like it because it is is true and I will remember it when I feel that I want to hurt myself.

I am not alone in this life. I have to remember it!

So true. Sometimes I  to far away in my mind. I have to remember to think about this one.

Dreams are important. They are our anchors. It keeps us alive!

Letter to my criminal lawyer’s abuser

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Dear M. Criminal Lawyer. I am writing to you because I need to know. I have so many questions in my head. I do not understand why a lawyer will defend his client for the same charges. The client was charged 2-3 different times for sexual assault. Why do you still defend him? Is it for money? Don’t you think it might be true? If I was a lawyer and someone will have been charged and/or acquitted for sexual assault a couple times, I will seriously think about it. If this client is still walking free on the street, don’t you think he might do it again? Probably, because this client knows that he won’t lose the case if you represent him. So, my point is, if you have any daughters, would you like to know that someone like this client can be a predator for them? I have a daughter and I hope that she will never see or meet someone like that. Women don’t need that kind of men walking free. I also understand that you have a job to do but can you sleep good at night? Because if I was a lawyer and know that I defend a rapist, I will be scared for my daughter or for the other women. I will definitely not be able to sleep at night.

Counseling for the sexual assault

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I finally found a good psychologist. He is going to help me to deal with the sexual assault that happened a year ago. I didn’t move on. I thought I did but no. My man called the Military assistance program and a week later I had an appointment booked. How amazing is that? I am so happy now. I am more than ready to work on myself to be able to share a stable life with my family. Because I love them so much and they deserve a healthy mom/spouse. I am grateful to have such good support around me. 

Good day & good news

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Let’s talk about my day. I had an excellent day and there is why.

  1. I had a coffee and some fresh macaroons from the French bakery with my best friend.
  2. I finally got set up to quit smoking cigarette by using a vapor with my favorite flavor. Pina colada!
  3. I am going to be entering in the pre-training for the DBT intensive therapy in June.  The therapy will start in fall.
  4. I worked on my resume this afternoon with my counselor at the MFRC and I want to work on a farm this summer. Berries and vegetables picking is what I am looking for. I already set up a list with few farms that I will drop my resume at. Wish me luck!
  5. I am at home with my family.

I can finally enjoy some happiness in my living room tonight.